Alarms

Someone's car alarm is screeching in the parking lot outside my window. It's one of the fancy ones that goes through every possible permutation of alarm sound twice before turning off. I'm not sure how that makes it more effective.

I can just hear it saying "What? You weren't deterred by the squeal? Well now I'm going to BEEP! And when I'm finished that I'm going to HONK and then SOUND LIKE A SIREN! You don't want to mess with me, asshole!"

Clearly one of the available sounds turns potential car thieves into incoherent, quivering puddles of goo. They're just not sure which one so they cover their bases by playing them all. Persistence is the key. If that's not winning logic, I don't know what is.

I want to make a car alarm that has a human voice that says something like "don't even think about it" or just "piss off." It doesn't have to be mean or yelled. It could be quite polite. We could get some celebrities on board. Wouldn't you want a car alarm that had Sean Connery's voice say "I wouldn't touch that car if I were you"? I certainly would.

I would also like a ringtone for my phone that says "answer the phone" or someone saying "ring ring". And since I have call display, some custom rings would be nice too:

"Your mom's calling."

"Don't pick up. It's only your sister."