Dear brain

Dear brain,

You've got to help me out here.

I've noticed that lately you've been a bit of a cop out. I had an English paper to write and I did you the favour of reading the book, picking a thesis and lining up some relevant quotes. All I asked in return was to come up with something brilliant to go in between them, to fill my paper with pedantic intellectual bullshit and get it up to an acceptable wordcount. But could you do it? No, no way in hell.

You're stubborn, I'll give you that. Under different circumstances I'd be inclined to admire that about you. However, today I just can't tolerate it.

I'm pretty sure you failed me yesterday in my exam too when I needed you to criticize Locke's theory of property. I don't think my demands are all that unreasonable. It wasn't like I was asking you to cure cancer.

Even doing simple things like updating this blog once a day are getting hard. Especially when it's 2:55 in the afternoon and you're already trying to put me to bed.

Whatever will I do with you? Under the circumstances, it's very difficult for me to get some sort of divorce from you. Even though you're a bit of a deadbeat, I can't help thinking that I need you for some reason or other.

Please let me know what I can do to make you work better. I can't do any of this alone.

Sincerely,

My body