Fortune

My question for the day:

Is it just me or are fortune cookies getting boring? It seems like they all ran out of interesting things to say a long time ago.

"Your love of peace will affect the course of events"
"A zesty partner will be of assistance to you"
"You will inherit some money"

Yeah, heard it before.

I once talked to a guy who had gotten a job writing horoscopes for some sort of personalized mail subscription service. He was the first to admit that he knew absolutely nothing about astrology and that the stuff he did was mostly made up. He had been hired for his previous writing experience, more than anything, and the stuff he came up with was brilliant. I just wish that he wrote fortune cookies.

If I had my own chinese restaurant, it would have only the best fortune cookies, ones that said inspirational things like:

Even the simple act of breathing can kill you.
Aren't you supposed to be watching your weight.
The leading cause of death is life.
Stop being such a pussy.

Am I allowed to write on the backs of those little slips? If I am, I'd say:

One day very soon you will pass a stranger at the side of the road who desperately needs your help. You will never meet this person, though he or she would have been the love of your life.

In the mid 1500s a starving artist in Holland painted a portrait that looked remarkably like you and then died, obscure and unmourned.

Your best friend died before you were born. Your true love has yet to be born.

This Americanized Chinese food is filled with MSG and has no nutritional value whatsoever. You should know better.

I don't know. Maybe it's a stupid idea. Most of mine are.

Look, another chicken!