I am not a lost and found, people. Kindly leave your assasin scarves somewhere else.

So last night when I got home I found a silk scarf draped over the handle of my door. My initial thought was that someone had left me a gift or something and that that was really cool. I took it inside only to find that soon after touching it my hands were permeated with some of the most disgusting perfume - the kind of stuff that reaches right to the back of your throat and chokes you with its stench and then lingers in your nostrils for hours.

I am plagued by a sensitive nose. I tend to avoid the cosmetics sections of department stores and craft/hobby/gift shops that sell things like scented candles and oils, mostly because they tend to rob me of my ability to breathe, an ability that I rather enjoy having.

Not only that, I have hands that seem to lend themselves well to carrying the smells of anything that I touch - money, fish, oranges, onions etc. After making dinner, my hands can smell like onions for days, no matter how much I wash them, and when they smell like something other than nothing at all, I have a habit of sniffing them often. It's a dumb thing that I do.

On realizing that the scarf was full of such an offensive perfume, I dropped it on the floor and washed and dried my hands four times to get the smell out before returning with salad tongs to dump it into the laundry basket.

That would be the end of the story except that I woke gasping and choking in the middle of the night to find that the scarf had crept all the way across my room from my laundry basket to work its nasty little fingers around my neck and was pressing its thumbs deep into the soft spot at the base of it, just above my collarbone.

I banished the damn thing to the hallway so I could get some sleep.

What kind of rotten people would do that to me? Honestly.