INT - an oddly-shaped open concept apartment. It is cluttered, but not overly messy with walls that are that awful shade of offwhite that all rental properties seem to have.
ERIN is sitting at her desk, typing on a laptop.
AUSWIN
d00d, u r teh suk.
ERIN
What's with the leetspeak all of a sudden?
AUSWIN
Dunno, somehow self flagellation is cooler when you spell it wrong.
ERIN
Self flagellation for what?
AUSWIN
Well these days your blog sucks ass. It's beyond boring. Reading it is like driving nails into my eyes, honestly.
ERIN
That bad, eh?
AUSWIN
Yep. You've been doing all this depressing introspection lately, talking about your feelings and your family and personal stuff and gender issues and social anxiety and semiotics and honestly, no one cares! No one wants to know that shit! You could empty your heart out and no one would read it because it's boring.
Not to mention, the quality of your writing has gone downhill lately and so has your photography.
ERIN
What do you suggest I do then?
AUSWIN
I don't know, flash your tits or doff yourself or something.
ERIN
I've got a better idea. If I'm boring, I may as well be the best boring blogger I can be. I'll own it. No one on the internet will be able to come close to how boring I can be.
AUSWIN
How are you going to do that?
ERIN
I'm going to post multiple backlit and poorly-focused pictures of my houseplants.
AUSWIN
Sounds like a plan.
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