Dinner conversation after seeing Titus Andronicus

"How is your pie?"

"It's good, but it's not Shakespeare's pie."

"No?"

"No, because the Brits don't put spices in their apple pie. They're weird. How do you eat apple pie without spices?"

"No, if it was Shakespeare's pie it would have the Goth queen's dead sons in it."

"No, that's a pastie."

"Aren't they kind of the same thing? It doesn't really matter. The Romans wouldn't have had either. Pie is a very British thing."

"Yeah, well..."

"But writing for a British audience in the Renaissance you've got to make it something that they'll recognize."

"A pastie?"

"It's dumb though. In the play today they were eating pie instead."

"Well, there are Cornish pasties and they kind of look like pie, meat pie."

"Pasties... isn't that what strippers wear?"

"No, you're thinking of pasties."

"But isn't that what you do? Wrap yourself up with food? Don't some guys like that?"

"I wouldn't know. I'm not well versed on food fetishes. It's not my area of expertise."

"Well, this is a wonderful dinner conversation."

"We go to see a play that is like the pinacle of English literature and this is what we talk about?"

"They're your daughters!"

"Well, it's good pie."