Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Contrary to popular belief, I may in fact like small sections of my family

IMG_4461_1Where do you go when there's a huge windstorm and all the lights are out? To the hospital, of course. The lights are almost guaranteed to be on and there are plenty of friendly old people there to brighten up your day.

The trip there, however, may be a tad problematic, because there is an unwritten law that says that when all the traffic lights are out, people must take to the streets and sit idle for hours until they switch on. These people are creatures that rely upon light for their brains to operate. In the dark, they are completely incapable of doing even the simplest of tasks.

  1. Whichever vehicle stops first has priority.

  2. If there is more than one vehicle at the intersection, yield to the one on your right.

It was my uncle's birthday today. He does this creepy old bastard routine for fun (kind of like come here little girl and have some of my chocolates and let me feel your boobs...) and every time I see him, he looks more and more the part. What is he now? 66? 67? Elegeble for seniors discounts at any rate.

Apparently the plan was that we were going to have fish and chips, but having the lights out everywhere not only makes people take to the streets, it also has them swamp restaurants so that you have to wait at least an hour and a half just for take out. My aunt and uncle went out foraging and found that someone had cleaned out the entire shelf of roasted chickens at the grocery store too. "Nine chickens," Lloyd complained, "what the hell are you going to do with nine fucking chickens?"

Luckily I was able to bake a pecan-chocolate-caramel cake thing under the manifold of the car.

Lloyd was up to the same old same old. Kind of full of himself, yet kind of likeable at the same time. He's got a million and a half stories, so at least time with him isn't boring.

Apparently Sir Francis Drake once lived in the old family home, which was in Glostershire, not Wales. GLOSTERSHIRE! But Vic had highfalutin ideals and that's why he came all the way out here to the colonies. At least, that's the way they say it in the mother country. You've got to love'em there. They all have such beautiful blue eyes, like the old man did and I bet they only get beaten up half as much for having our surname.