Quality assurance

For service in english, press 1.

For technical assistance, press 1.

For internet support, press 1.

For residential internet service, press 1.

Please hold while your call is transferred. Your call may be monitored for quality assurance.

Your call has been transfered to the internet support department. Please stay on the line and wait for a customer service representative. Your call may be monitored for quality assurance.

Hi, this is Trevor Linden from the Vancouver Canucks reminding you to get your Molson Canadian NHL pay-per-view package to see 18 unforgettable games.

Hi Trevor, I think it's really cool that Shaw now has hockey players answering their phones, and it's really cool that I could pay money to watch you on TV, but that's not really why I phoned. You see, my internet connection is not working properly, and though you are a good hockey player, I don't think you will be able to help me. In fact, at the moment, I'm really not interested in hockey at all. I just want my internet to work. Now, if you'd kindly piss off and put a customer service representative on the line, I'd be much obliged. Thanks.

Then I got a lovely "we're not able to answer your call right now because we're busy and you were supposed to take a little longer to talk to Trevor" message and I left my name and number and hung up.

I continued to struggle with my internet speeding up and slowing down at random, making it so that one moment everything was fine and the next things were timing out left and right and even msn messages couldn't get through. Suddenly it got really fast. At that particular moment, I was called back by a customer representative in India who told me in perfect English that there was nothing wrong with my connection.

After I had hung up, my connection went back to being screwy again. Lovely.