Some days I take myself out of things just to see what the result would be.
I used to have dreams that I sat in at my own funeral, just to see who would bother to show up and what people would say there, but I was never satisfied with the results. I was never sure if I actually knew the person they would describe, or if I even liked her.
There are days when people phone me up and ask if I want to go out and do something and my answer is no, but I decide to do it anyways. They are the days when have to stop myself and wonder what the hell I'm doing, who I'm with and why I'm doing it because none of it makes sense and none of it I like.
Some days all I want to do is draw the curtains and lay out on the livingroom floor, letting something wash over me. I'm partial to yanqui u.x.o, laura and God is an Astronaut these days, at least for that purpose. Aural drugs, they are.
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