This was one of those days when I stumble into the shower half asleep, only to step out, dry myself off and launch into an impassioned monologue about how Freud was a dipshit that obviously didn't know a thing about women.
Dismayed that I'm out of milk, I begin to dump yoghurt and fruit into my blender. Before I press any buttons though, I turn around towards my livingroom to scream "Penis envy, my ass!" and drive home my point with not chop, not puree but li-qui-fy.
"It's more like power envy," I shout, pouring my li-qui-fied breakfast into a glass. "I mean, what the hell would I need a penis for anyways?" I pause to answer that question in my head while I gulp down the first glass, slamming it down on the desk beside my computer. As I log on to msn I arrive at the conclusion that I've got a system going right now and it works pretty well, so no point in changing it.
There's nobody online to talk to. Jesus fucking Christ.
The li-qui-fied blueberries that I just ate turn the toothpaste foam in my mouth a purple-black colour that appeals to my more morbid side. I spit, then smile into the mirror. "I could write my name in the snow, you know. It'd be easy because my name's short."
But it never ever snows here, so I pluck my eyebrows and go to work.
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