These are the thoughts that enter my head.

What? You're telling me that Labradorite doesn't sell? But it's positively labradorescent. I'm going to make myself a crown of labradorite and a big marble column to sit upon and then I can flash deep blue in the sun and look down at people below me. Having fun down there?

Then at some point I'll become disgusted at my own vanity, and throw myself down from my marble column, or break it down piece by piece and use the stone to build schools for the poor. I'm a big fan of affordable education.

I figure I wouldn't want to fall to my death but being zapped in an electrical storm would be fine, so maybe I'll sit on my column and get whipped by the wind until I do. Then you can take it afterward and build schools. Beautiful schools. Change the world.

Scatter my ashes in the ocean. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll crawl up and down the coasts, infiltrating every crevasse, every subterranean place where water likes to go, and when they finally pump the Ogalla Aquifer dry with their idiotic, state-subsidized unsustainable agriculture, I'll still be hiding out, underground, even as pillow clouds of algae bloom in the Gulf of Mexico. You'll never find me.

Note to self: don't fall to selve's death.

Are we clear?

Capiche.