Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I'm not in a good mood.

IMG_6394_1I'm surprised at how tired I am right now. Yesterday for whatever reason suddenly none of my clothes seemed to fit right. I wasn't feeling all that good when I left for class and by the time I got there I felt really cold and wanted to cry so I skipped, went home and put myself to bed.

I woke up two hours later still tired but a little more lucid. I can't remember if I did or accomplished anything that evening. I didn't sleep all night. My feet were cold and I had stuff on my mind.

By morning my thoughts were particularly nihilist, no doubt in part due to my careful contemplation of an offhand statement one of my profs made on Monday about how the world and life on the planet can survive global warming - it's just us who can't. Species will go extinct and then others will take their place because the world has survived just fine at very different temperatures than today.

And come to think of it, there's a good chance that he's right. Which got me thinking about why the hell we have the audacity to think we're worth saving. Why are we doing all this sustainability stuff anyways? Is it so that we can give Israel and Palestine a few more years to kick the shit out of each other? Is it so that India and Pakistan can continue to bicker over borders? So we can collectively continue to ignore Africa or proliferate weapons or invade sovereign countries or keep up to date with Paris Hilton?

What the hell are we saving anyways? We don't think enough about that.

I was at a forum this morning about zero waste initiatives and it was really interesting. Perhaps when I'm more awake I will be better able to comment on it. It's an issue I feel pretty strongly about.

I got 100% on a paper today, gloated for a couple of minutes and then sunk back into the same anomie.

I decided at some point today that I have a genuinely ugly butt. Not that I didn't already have a reason to keep my pants on in public.

And, to top it all off, when I came home I found out via sitemeter that my blog is the first thing that comes up when you do an AT&T Web Search for "mom wants me to watch while she fucks grandad." I'm not impressed.

On a slightly more positive note, I baked some bread yesterday and it's really good. Makes excellent toast. Now all I need to do is figure out why it rose sideways and not up.