Wednesday, April 23, 2008

People I don't want sitting beside me on the bus

Jeffrey Yamaguchi of 52 Projects has put together a big list of people he doesn't want sitting beside him on the train and I thought I'd add a couple to the list.

The Compulsive Swearer
He takes so many different forms that it's hard to identify him when he gets on the bus, but once his phone rings, you know him. Every second word out of his mouth is fuck. You begin to wish that he had a larger vocabulary, but are not entirely sure how to explain it to him in words he understands. Since he's talking too loud for you to ignore, you begin to look at your watch to calculate his FPM.

The Claustrophobic Wheelchair Guy
He is in a wheelchair and gets the special wheelchair spot in the front, but believes he owns the entire front half of the bus. Whenever anyone tries to stand within three metres of him he emits a high pitched wail of agony and shoots them a dirty look, even though there's tons of empty space around him and none at the back of the bus.

The Death Metal Singer
He's wearing those giant headphones that cancel out all background noise and he has his eyes closed. As he sits down you hear the unmistakable sound of power chords which is annoying but alright until he begins to sing loudly and tone-deafly: "and the rivers will run with BLOOD!" and something about hellfire.

The Profuse Sweater
This person is really overweight and fills up their seat and part of yours. Aside from the obvious personal space issues that come from having someone's leg, arm and bulk pressed up against you, this is okay. But when this person gets up at their stop, you suddenly notice that the side of your leg is getting kind of cold... and it's really damp. You should have packed an extra pair of pants just in case.

The Angry Bicycle Courier
This guy has had a crappy day at work. He always has crappy days at work. He's angry and he's only going to get angrier because everything makes him angry. There is nothing on earth that can contain his anger and you can see it simmering there under the surface. Watch out.

The Nasally-Challenged Parent
Her baby is fussy and when it squirms you can tell why. It's wearing one of those super amazing, expensive disposeable diapers that have so many chemicals in them that you never have to change them, or so parents think. Every time the kid moves you get a whiff of chemicals and poop. The kid is probably getting a nasty rash on his butt but the parent doesn't seem to notice, and the whole bus is stinking up.