Good home cooking

"I thought I smelled something and Sally was sitting up and sniffing the air and looking concerned so I went into the kitchen and there was a huge plume of smoke coming out of the toaster."

"Did you open it?"

"No, I just turned it off and opened the window."

"Good. One time I overcooked a chicken in the oven and when I opened the door it burst into flames. I had to use the fire extinguisher to get it out and then your mother wouldn't eat it."

"It had white crap all over it. Your father just scraped it off and ate it anyways but I couldn't. What the hell's in that stuff anyways?"

"You're so picky. It tasted fine. I think it gave me gas though."

Dad's fire extinguisher chicken should not be confused with his rubber spatula tuna casserole, blue spotted french toast, everything in the fridge stir-fry, or the carrot-apple-onion-cabbage smoothies.

To be fair, he makes really good pancakes and pizza-sized heart-shaped chocolate chip cookies. They are the reason mom married him. The rest of his cooking is a bit of an acquired taste.