Night night

there's a big car race in newfoundland every year and I'm watching it on the telly right now
the cars race through little fishing villages in the middle of nowhere that I guess look kind of like parts of Norway
it's a tourism thing, because they want people to see the scenery and go there
but I guess you're supposed to watch the cars too
they're okay, I guess
there are some neat looking cars from the 50s with those wing things out the back and lots and lots of chrome
I've always thought those were cool
sometime after that, cars just got ugly
have you seen some of the new japanese and korean cars lately?
ugliest pieces of shit I've ever seen
I'm sure they run well and all, but you know how it is...

but I'm talking about newfoundland
it's pretty, I would go there in a heartbeat
but I guess it's not really the scenery that I like, though that's definitely a draw
for sure
it's the people
newfies are the nicest people you'll ever meet anywhere on this earth
they're so friendly and inviting
they speak what is probably the most charming dialect of english to be found anywhere in the Empire
we make fun of it, of course
but that's only because we suck and we're envious
very envious

okay, try this:
smile as wide as you can possibly smile
okay, now, keeping that smile, open your mouth up as wide as you possibly can
now say "air"
air
air
okay, that's the way they pronounce their r's
it's very charming to say the least
rick mercer did a standup tour across canada with some other comedians and they were always making fun of him for his accent
open up wide and say sars
sars
yeah, that's what he sounded like
there was a british guy on that tour that sounded almost exactly like bob from bob and margaret
ever seen that show?
download it now. it's good

but back to newfies
the last time great big sea was here, I went half just to hear them talk
"wot wit you and all yer stairboks? You people in Vancoover drinks yer coffee and runs tree mer moiles a day than us."
they're awesome, but I think I've said that before
like I said, they are the nicest people in the world
I've never met one that I didn't instantly like
I'm convinced that it isn't possible
you should go there instead of coming here
out there on that godforsaken rock in the atlantic they're so hospitable
if you went there, people would invite you home for dinner, or maybe just tea
but that's better than you'd get here
we're all antisocial bastards here in the city

the cars just went through fortune
seems to me that that town was in a gbs song called french perfume
and they just mentioned george street from the old black rum too
awesome

something else I noticed though
why is dildo newfoundland so close to conception bay?
is the sole purpose of it just to make me giggle whenever I look at the map?
immature, I know
I'm allowed sometimes

but they do have nifty sounding place names there
not like here
we've got depressing place names like desolation sound
bellyup canyon
deadhorse pass
horsefly
honestly, who would want to name their town horsefly?
my relatives, maybe
cause they live there
cheezus christ
you've got to roll the r in christ to say it the way that grannie höhn said it because she said it the best
but you're good at that, so I wouldn't worry
she probably could have taught you to dance too
she was good at that

there are little towns up the fraser canyon that are barely bigger than the signs they're written on
they all died when they pushed through a new highway and made the old one obsolete
boston bar
china bar
spuzzum
spuzzum was always my favourite
but there isn't much there now, dilapidated buildings
the railroad
genetically modified round up ready canola spreading like the plague
it's not supposed to be there, but what can you do?

why am I talking about this?
that is the better question
that erin, always talking
I've talked you to sleep I see
damn