Erin's sad social life

Peter wants secrets. Big secrets.

Big secrets eh? Well, I've never been asked out. Well, except for the guy who irritated the hell out of me so much that I never would have said yes. But I've never been on an actual date because no one will have me, really.

I've been called fat and ugly and a lesbian and "smart" which is another word for no one's interested. But you know? I've never been interested in them either, so it never really bothered me much. It's actually pretty easy to make peace with being completely undesirable, and far less emotionally traumatic than thinking that you actually are worth it. And it helps when you think of everyone who puts you down as your inferior and entirely not worth your time. No one should have to justify it in that way, but I digress.

During high school I lost 30 pounds, and since I left, I've lost a few more. And then came little changes. I started plucking my eyebrows, a skill that I've never really mastered and I don't think I really do all that well, but they do kind of look nicer. Then I whitened my teeth a little, finally stopped tearing my fingernails to shreds and chewing the skin off my lips. I started to tackle the nasty, out-of-control blackheads on my nose with some success, and during the past three months, I have almost completely corrected my posture.

So, surprise surprise, all of a sudden I get oggled on the bus a lot. I get poked by random guys on facebook and friended by friends of friends that I have, to the best of my knowledge, never met. Occasionally guys give up their seats to me on the bus and in general I get treated with a little more respect and interest.

And to tell the truth, I'm well beyond flattery and now it just makes me really angry. The fact is that none of this used to happen to me, and my personality hasn't changed, so it can only be due to the fact that I look different. These people wouldn't have given me the time of day then, so why should I now?

But, back to my original paragraph. Every few weeks my father seems to want to point out that I could, you know, invite people over. Like male people, because I wasn't aware that I live alone in my very own apartment and could pretty much do whatever I want (and do, usually). During the wind storms last winter, I asked him if he could get me some candles in case the power went out, just regular candles. Somehow I ended up with scented tea candles when I specifically asked for regular, boring old candles. It's pretty sad when it's your own father that's trying to get you laid, when seems to me it's usually more fatherly to do the opposite.

Does this all bother me? Well, all I know is that I spend a lot of time at home missing concerts and things that I would have gone to had I had someone to drag along. I'm not the sort of person to pine away at home though, and gush over secret crushes or anything so I'm not too too concerned. On the upside, I'm going to die rich.

I've got more, but alas, this post is already pretty long.