Friday, August 10, 2007

I'm turning into my mother

I heard from someone once that one of the great tragedies of this day and age is that music has gone from being a collective thing to something that people do alone. Add this to the fact that I live on my own, I haven't listened to the radio in three years and have random taste at the best of times, and suddenly I get Nickelback tickets for my birthday.

Not that this is an entirely bad thing. At the risk of completely destroying whatever indie cred I have, I will actually admit to having their first four albums, even though I haven't listened to them in a long time. I've found their albums alternate. They'll put out one I don't mind listening to, and then I will think the next one sucks, and then the next one decent. Unfortunately for the most recent album, the pattern dictates that I will think it will suck if I listen to the whole thing through. Not to mention, I don't listen to the radio anymore so I really wasn't aware of when it was released.

But still, they do put on an exciting show, if you can get through the openers (none of which I liked). They throw beer at the audience and explode lots of stuff, which is good because I'm a pyro at heart.

It's like somehow or other someone flipped the male attention switch on about three months ago and now all of a sudden I get ogled in public and poked on facebook and such on a near daily basis so I wasn't overly surprised when the tool that sat down beside me wanted to start a conversation.

"So, you ladies aren't drinking anything?"

"No, I've got a stick up my ass."

Though you'd think that he would have known that without even talking to me. I mean I was wearing a non-cleavage showing merino wool sweater and a pair of conservative black slacks to a Nickelback concert. I guess I could have brought a change of clothes to work with me but I didn't feel like it. No matter. He soon found the kind of girls he was originally after - plastered and loose, which worked out well for all of us.

Christ, some days I sound just like my mother.

I happen to have the world's smallest bladder, and that if I have one glass of beer, it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm going to have to pee twice within the next fourty minutes, or else sit and look really uncomfortable until I've waited a period of time which I consider to be 'normal' before I relieve myself. I find I'm better off with shots, but they don't sell those at GM Place. I think I should find the perfect mathematical equation to describe whether or not I should drink a given alcoholic beverage, call it the "piss factor", write a book about it and make myself rich.