Scalpel, please

It's strange. I wake up at the exact same time every morning and have a reasonably short shower. I usually get out of the shower more or less at the same time. So why is it that the rest of my morning is always so random? Some mornings I have a nice leisurely time getting ready for work and others I can barely finish half a cup of coffee before I run out the door. How does that happen?

I guess I just have off days. At one point in time on Monday I noticed that the skin around the big ugly wart on my finger was beginning to blister so I tore it off, and then because the wart was now sticking out of my finger like a column, I began to hack at it with my scissors until I'd sliced off about three milimetres off the top of it. It didn't hurt because there are no nerves inside warts but it did occur to me that I'd look really weird if someone came to my desk and I was cutting chunks out of my finger.

It also occurred to me that what I had just done was kind of gross, so I took my scissors to the washroom to wash them off with some soap and then I found a bandaid for my finger. Shortly afterward it started to itch like crazy. That's a good thing, right?

I'd much rather go see a doctor who can burn the damn thing off but apparently it's not big and ugly enough for me to get a referral. No matter. That was Monday and this is Thursday and the wart is now half its original size and shrinking because my scissor skills are so damn awesome. Black market surgery, anyone? I'll cure what ails you.