Conspiracy

Finally saw last year's year-end dance show dvd. I always hesitate to watch these things, partially because I have no desire whatsoever to see some of the dances there and partially because I have no real desire to see myself on there either, that being partially because I have better things to do with my time and partially because I look absolutely hideous in the majority of the costumes I've worn in the past few years.

I'm not partial to the costumes, but I've said that before.

But it just so happens that I am going to visit my grandmother tomorrow and my father thought it would be a nice idea if we took the dvd for her to watch. But of course, we had to go cue it up first. (My father's got this old skool lingo thing down.)

Now I remember when those costumes were made. For some reason or other they brought in this really eccentric little Japanese lady to make them and she came in one day to do some measurements for a vest thing. She must have added an extra eight centimetres at least to my bust and waist measurements because she would not put her hands anywhere near me.

The first rule of measuring for and fitting for clothing is that there is some sort of groping involved. This is both a fact of nature and something that doesn't bother me in the least. I was not groped, and consequently I am positive that the costume added at least thirty pounds.

That's what, 13, 14 kilos?

Way, way too much.

The camera always adds some too. It's a conspiracy, I tell you.