Spandex

The beauty of speedskating is that it legitimizes having big thighs. It reminds people that some of us kids have big thighs because we can easily leg press our body weight, and not because we're fat.

The fact that it's a spandex sport can't be overlooked either.

We used to have a competition at every regatta to see whose spandex rode the highest up their thighs during the day, and I never won. Never ever. That may possibly have been a good thing.

I really have nothing to say today. Sorry. A little bit of sleep should fix me up.

Maybe you should tell me a story instead.