Childsplay

First the worst. Let's get things straight, there was never zero the hero because zero is nothing. It's an abstract idea. There is nothing heroic about it except that all your heroism is an abstract idea too.

Second is the best, or at least that's how they always said it, though Seinfeld used to say that second place was the worst because it's the absolute best of the losers. But I always thought that silver was pretty respectable myself.

We sat around once and tried to think up something better to rhyme with second and the best we could come up with was leper. The strange thing being that I asked my sister many years later and that was the best she could come up with too. Second the leper... I don't think it's got the right ring to it.

I never understood the kids out there that swore that it was third the golden bird because in my universe third is always nerd. But then again, those were always the kids that played foursquare instead of tetherball in spite of the fact that tetherball was an inherently superior game. Not that I was ever good at it. I'm too short.

Julie asked me the other day why we don't play heads up seven up in university and honestly I don't know. Makes about as much sense as the running around, paying the rights to your firstborn for tuition and jumping bureaucratic hoops to get a little piece of paper that won't actually guarantee that you'll get a job.

But then again, I don't remember how to play the game. All I remember is grinding my nose into my desk and wrapping my arms around my head so tight that I squished my eyeballs half way down my throat and couldn't see anything. And whenever you looked up, there'd be a circle of condensation on your desk where you had been breathing.

Fourth the king of the north, but not the Great White North, eh, because we've got a queen. She doesn't visit much though.

The rest of the numbers are really irrelevant, mostly because I have to go to class and there is question as to whether or not they exist. It is a question that I will not waste my time upon.

Until next time,

Erin